We’ve invited our dotMagis bloggers to reflect on the separation, personal, instance lines that the Prayer because that Generosity, attributed to St. Ignatius.
You are watching: To give and not to count the cost
My heart always sinks at the heat in the Prayer for Generosity, “to give and not to count the cost,” since if ns am truly ethical with myself, I understand I am always calculating the cost. Also if that is unconscious, there are tally clues in my head: Do they need this? carry out I need this? will certainly I need this later? Is it worth it? will I watch silly? What will others think?
I know this is not what God asks that me.
I think of a previous neighbor enjoying her morning smoke on the second-story balcony of ours shabby apartment building, long ago. It was the first frosty morning of winter, the sort that sneaks increase on us. Neighbors, late for work, scraped ice cream off their windshields, and children walked to institution on the sidewalk below.
My morning coffee trance was interrupted by mine neighbor yelling to the street below. “What dimension is your daughter?” She hollered come a mrs walking her child to school.
The mother, startled, looked up. “Yeah, you!” my neighbor pointed together the mother and also her daughter organized their arms, shivering down listed below in threadbare sweaters. “What size is your daughter?” She recurring her concern to the mother, and also it is clear the women did not know each other.
“I don’t know,” the mommy shouted up. “I think probably a size 6.”
“Wait there!” mine neighbor said, placing out she cigarette and going ago into her apartment v the slide glass door. Ns heard she thumping under the stairs, reappearing in front of the mother and child, who had surprisingly continued to be put. I watched together my neighbor held out a purple puffer jacket, simply a little larger 보다 the dimension of her very own daughter, who I had actually watched beat in the apartment hallways. The females exchanged a couple of words. My neighbor waved the native away and slid the coat on the small girl. The mom looked down at the child, who I imagine she reminded to say say thanks to you. The kid looked up, was standing straighter, and also smiled. The mother provided my ar a hug, which she received with a solid pat on the woman’s earlier before waving lock both away. My neighbor walked ago up the stairway to she apartment.
When she returned to her balcony, she lit an additional cigarette and sat as if nothing had actually happened. She no look to view if anyone had witnessed her gesture. She didn’t choose up the phone to share the story with a friend. I watched her choose a few stray bits the lint off her jacket and also exhale smoke right into the morning mist.
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I knew that she to be a solitary mother through two children, among whom would fit in the coat in a few months. I knew that she struggled in for this reason many areas of she life however not in the method that ns struggled. Unlike me, she provided quickly, easily. She didn’t problem if she looked a fool, screaming come a stranger below. She had something to share, therefore she did.