Voila! Finally, the Alvin And The Chipmunks script is here for all you fans of the Jason Lee movie featuring Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free todrop me a line. At least you"ll have some Alvin And The Chipmunks quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew"s beer-selection.com afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Alvin And The Chipmunks Script

It"s going. It"s going. And it"s gone. Whatever. Maybe we should take a break. That"s it. I can"t take this anymore. I can"t. I give up. I"m sick of struggling for survival. Competing with gophers andearthworms and that loser sparrow... ...who always takes my nuts. And I"m especially sick of this stupid... ...stupid tree. -What"s happening?-Guys. I think he made it angry. I"m awake. I"m up... ...and I"m late. Demo. Dave Seville. Keys. Bag. Pants. I need pants. Pants are essential. Claire. -Dave.-Hey. How"s it going? I haven"t seen you since.... Well, since you said you never wantedto see me again. So I guess it worked. What a fun day that was. Let me guess.You"re late for something again. -Same old Dave.-Not following you. You know,the guy who"s always fooling around... ...who can"t handlea serious relationship. That was the old Dave. How about we get together,talk about the new Dave? Tomorrow night. My place. -I....-Great. -No---You look good, Claire. Where are we? Well, I think they remodeled our forest.I like it. Stylish, yet functional. Where did the mountains go? Give me a break.We"re in a building, Theodore. Dave. -Ian.-Hey, big guy. Hey, you ever seen the viewfrom the 80th floor? -No. They never let me past the lobby.-What? I can"t.... Hey, back off, man,this is Dave Seville. Mr. Seville, can I offer yousome muffins, scones, pastries? No. I"d hate to be a bother. It"s no problem.We have an omelet station. Omelet station. Can I get you some wateror a soy latte? How about a shotof wheatgrass juice? Maybe later. Thanks. let"s talk about your song, Dave. Well, as crazy as it sounds... -...the original inspiration came to me---The song sucks, Dave. -What?-Your song? It"s awful. I hate it. You know, I mean, who"s gonna sing it?Justin, Fergie? Not a chance. I need something new.I need something fresh. -That is new.-The next big thing. Dave, we go way back, all right? And we"ve both come a long waysince college. You? Not so much. I wanted to like that song,but you heard it. Not that good. If I wasn"t your friend,I"d say: ""Dave, you go right backout of this office... ...and you keep writing music.You"ll get there someday."" But I am your friend,so I"m going to tell you... ...that there is no sensein writing songs... ...that no one is ever,ever going to sing. Ever? Excuse me. Can I get some of that water? We ran out. Hey! -Out of the way.-Alvin... -...slow down.-Move your butt, Theodore. You stepped on my tail. Last one to the door is roadkill. I"m in. What are these shiny things? Theodore, we"re leaving now. Okay, this wasn"t my best idea.Look out! Maniac! Back to tree. Back to tree. Back to the dog. Back to the dog! -Basket! Three o"clock.-Which way is 3 o"clock? -This way.-Guys, wait for me. Wait up.I still have baby fat, you know. -Jump. You"ve gotta really want it.-I want it. -I want it.-I can"t hang like this all day. Will you jump already? Muffins. Gross. Is this his house? No. It"s his garbage can. This must be where he storeshis food for winter. As it came down to one-- Boa has the mouse trapped on a branchwith no way out. As the boa moves in for the attack... ...the mouseseems to be facing certain death. The boa"s sensitive tonguetastes the victim"s presence. The mouse crashesthrough the foliage. Come on, baby. Come to papa! Hello, gorgeous. We"ve hit the mother lode. --tropical rainforestwhere food is bountiful. This is the greatest day of my life. Eureka! I found the cheese balls. Alvin, what are you doing?Don"t make a mess. Cannonball. Quick. Hide. Hurry, you guys. Did I put these here? There you are. I got you. He"s been out for quite a while. You guys, he"s dead. Don"t panic. Wipe everything down. I need three garbage bags, a shovel,some disinfectant... ...some latex gloves and oregano, go! Hang on, Sherlock. He"s coming to. I must be hearing things. Oh, this is trippy. Sir, are you all right? Get back! Squirrels can"t talk. Hey. Watch it, genius. We are chipmunks. Chipmunks. Chipmunks can"t talk either. Our lips are movingand words are coming out. This is not happening. I am not talking to chipmunks.I am not talking to chipmunks. So how"s that working for you, Dave? How do you know my name? I"ll field that one.We read your mail. By accident. You really ought to paythat utility bill, Dave. -You ever heard of a credit rating?-What"s this thing? Hey. Hey. Hey.Stop doing-- Turn that off. Sorry. He fell out of the tree at birth. Can all animals talk? Well, I believe fishhave this type of sign language. Hey, Dave, do all humans have housesthat smell like sweat socks? Dave likes to wear Dirty underwear with little hairs We"re getting off on the wrong foot. Allow us to introduce ourselves. Hello, I"m Simon, the smart one. -He"s Alvin.-The awesomest one. And I"m Theodore. Oh, nice to meet you.Now get out of my house. But we talk. Which makes me want youout of my house that much more. It"s creepy. Unnatural. Somewhat evil. I kind of liked him betterwhen he was unconscious. -Gotcha.-Hey. Don"t do this, Dave. We can gnaw right through this door. Hi. Oh, were we disturbing you? What, you guys can sing too? That"s not singing. This is singing. This is amazing. Here, everyone inside. -There you go.-Thank you. All right, here"s the deal. You guys sing my songs,you get to sleep here. No. Wait. Is breakfast included? I can live with that. What about TV privileges? Okay, but not after 7. -Eight.-Done. But don"t tell your animal friends,because I don"t wanna come home... ...and find rabbitsand skunks on my couch. Filthy creatures, Dave.Never associate with them. Yeah, you"re our only friend. No, no, no.Let"s not get ahead of ourselves here. Let"s just start with mebeing your songwriter. Let me ask you.Have you ever written a song before? -Yup.-And is that your music stuff outside? Yup. Oh, no! Hurry back. So, fellas, all we gotta dois find the right song, rehearse-- -Hey, Dave.-Simon. My bad. This is my sheet music. Alvin. This is not a Hula-Hoop.It"s a towel rack. -Killjoy.-Are you guys always like this? We"re kids, Dave. Well, where are your parents? When you"re a chipmunk, your parentstake care of you for a week. Then they take off. Our parents were hippies.They left early to join a commune. -I am Robert the Robot.-Help! Crazy robot. Help! It"s after me! -It"s after me.-Hey. Hey. Be careful with that. -Sorry.-It"s a collectible. -I got it for Christmas last year.-Christmas! We love Christmas. Even though we"ve neveractually celebrated it. But we want to. Yeah, you can never go wrongwith Christmas. Oh, maybe we can celebrate itwith you. Yeah, maybe. Look, I"ve had a long and weird day,so off to bed. Come on. We start work tomorrow. I want you bright-eyedand bushy-tailed by 8. My tail isn"t bushy till 9. Not my problem. Now go to sleep. I hope Christmas comes fast. Me too. Want a plane that loops the loop? Loop. Hoop. Hula-Hoop. Here"s trouble. Fire in the hole! What are you guys doing? Nothing. What are you doing? Stand back, Dave. She"s gonna blow! I got it. I got it, guys. Come to papa. -Hey. Where did it go?-Simon, this landed right in front of you. You didn"t see it? How many fingers am I holding up? Four. No, no, no.Eight? Counting your thumb? -Wait, wait, wait---Hang on a second. Six. Final answer is six. Try these. How"s that? Someone trashed your house. It was clean Well, we colored for a while,but then we got hungry. Wanna see what we colored? Actually, I wanna play yousomething. I wrote a songfor you guys to sing, so let"s-- We"ve put a few toaster wafflesaside for winter. And we"re not sharing. Guys, we"re gonna have food all winter,so if you start storing it... ...it"s gonna get grossand we"re gonna have rodent.... Bad, you know,non-talking rodents around here. Let"s go. Let"s get to work. All right, you chipmunks.Ready to sing your song? -I"ll say we are.-Yeah. Let"s sing it now. -Ready, Simon?-Okay. -Ready, Theodore?-Okay. Alvin? Alvin? This kicks a hamster wheel"s butt. Alvin! Okay! Christmas, Christmastime is near Time for toys and time for cheer We"ve been good, but we can"t last Hurry, Christmas, hurry fast Want a plane that loops the loop Me, I want a Hula-Hoop We can"t hardly stand the wait Please, Christmas, don"t be late What? Dave Seville"s in the lobby. He says he won"t leavewithout seeing you. That loser again? -Dave.-Ian. -Okay.-I"ve got something for you. -It"s your next big thing.-Dave. Don"t say anything. What the...? Dave, don"t do this to yourself, man. They sing. No. They don"t. They do. Just give me a second. Come on, guys. Want a plane that loops the loop Me, I want a Hula-Hoop You know, Dave... ...some people might sayit"s kind of weird... ...that a grown manwould want a Hula-Hoop. And others would say,""You know what"s weirder than that? A grown man bringinganother grown man... ...a big boxwith a bunch of chipmunks in it... ...who not only speak Englishbut can sing."" They do sing.We"ve been practicing all morning. Oh, you"ve been practicing.I never realized. Okay, well. Yeah. Okay, no.Dave, I"m going to pretend... ...that I have a lunch to go to. I"ve got a lunch to go to. What was that? Nothing. Nothing.Just a little stage fright. I thought my heartwas gonna explode. We"re not performing monkeys. Why do we have to singfor that guy? Well, how"s this? Pretend I need the moneyand I hate my job... ...and you"re staying at my place,so you owe me. We"re sorry, Dave. Yeah, that helps. Never mind. I"m late for work. Can we go with you? What, so you can mess that up too? You"re going home. Can I stand in your lap and steer? Oh, can we at least beep the horn? Never mind. So sorry about the delay.It should be a couple more minutes. But we"re building the suspense. -Here he is.-Sorry I"m late. Boy, am I jazzed about ourYum-able Energy Bars commercial. That"s Good-able Energy Barcommercial. Right, Good-able. Okay, here"s the pitch. We open on a group of lethargic kids. Close-up on a little girl"s face.She"s sad. Our customers don"t like to thinkof their kids as being sad. Could she be flying a kite? I like kites. Good. Okay, great. She"s flying a kite. She"s running with a kite.She"s running out of steam. She"s tired and lets go of the kite. Oh, no. We see her face, it"s sad. -But not too sad.-Right. So she pulls outher Good-able Energy Bar-- It"s my mom. Sorry. -Hi, Mom.-A little situation, Dave. Theodore vacuumed up Alvin. -Alvin.-Dave, help! -What?-At least it wasn"t the garbage disposal. Just stay calm. And there goes Theodore. Look, I can"t do this right now, okay? I absolutely understand but--Sorry, Dave? Quick question. How do you feel about an indoor pool? Look, if you flood my house,you"re dead. Out on the street, capiche? Mothers. Why don"t we come over hereand look at the sales projections? You know, when I first saw thesenumbers, I thought there"s just no way... ...but then I looked again. The ""size of Theodore"s butt""? Why don"t we come back to that? Anyway, 10 years ago, the market sharefor healthy food snacks... ...was imperceptibleamong 6- to 12-year-olds. ""How smart Simon thinks he is""? Yeah, as opposed tohow smart he actually is. Who"s Simon? -I didn"t---Just move it along. You know what?I think I"ll just clean out my office. Sounds good. SpongeBob. You"re 15 minutes late. Sorry, Mr. Krabs,I was out all night looking for Gary. He got away. Well.... Guys. What"s this about? Obviously, Theodore"s butt. We told you we colored. On my presentation boards?You got me fired. We didn"t know. -We"re sorry, Dave.-Oh, you"re sorry? That"s fantastic. Sorry doesn"t get my job back, now,does it, Theodore? Why are my clothes all over the place? We used them to mop up the water.Good idea, right? Oh, my God. Theodore, did you just--? It"s a raisin, Dave. Prove it. Okay, you got me. I wanna talk to all you guys.Where"s Alvin? -Alvin?-You owe me bigtime. Alvin. Come on. Come on. There"s this new thing.It"s called knocking. -Get out.-I"m waiting for the rinse cycle. -Out.-I"m taking a shower here. You know,if I made a list of my worst days ever... ...today would be at the topof the list. And it"s still early. Clam it, sudsy. Okay. Guys, let me just put itto you like this, okay? I have no job, no career, my houseis always a mess. Thank you very much. Hi, Dave. It"s Claire Wilson calling.And why did I just say my last name? That was weird. I guess I"m just a littlenervous about coming over for dinner. -Dinner.-So, yeah. I"m gonna hang up now. I"ll be there at 7. Okay. Bye. That"s half an hour. Who"s Claire? Claire is Dave"s mate. She is not my mate. She"s my ex-mate. Okay. This is great. Dave. Dave, relax. You just go get the food.We"ll take care of the rest. Why am I having a hard timebelieving you? That hurts, Dave. That really hurts. -Yeah. We"re all in this together, Dave.-Like a family. No. Not like a family. Tick-tock, Dave. Better bust a move. Right. We also do officesand recreational vehicles. What"s that smell? It"s your cologne. What did you do?Dump the entire bottle on the rug? We Call it scenting the area. I gotta admit I"m surprised. The place looks great. Well, Dave, we chipmunksare notoriously tidy. Yeah, I see that. -Those bread sticks smell great.-Yeah. So when"s dinner? Guys, I don"t knowhow to tell you this... ...but it"s just gonna be Claire and me. Hold the phone, Dave. -We can"t have---No. -Even if we---No. -We thought it---And no. Look, in the other room. Jeez. What a buzzkill, man. -I never knew you could cook this well.-It"s all about slow roasting. It takes longer.But when it comes to flavor, why rush? Well, I"m impressed. -I"ve been seeing your photos.-Yeah, it"s going really great. How about you, how"s your job? Great. Loving it. How do you think it"s going? Terrible. They"re not even sniffingeach other. Alvin. Dave said that-- Dave needs a little helpfrom the love doctor. And his assistant. Get back here. You know, this is nice. Just two friends having dinner.Hanging out. No pressure. Nothing weird. My stereo does that all the time.It"s like it has a mind of its own. You were saying? Oh, nothing. I was just a little nervousabout coming over here. I wasn"t sure if you thoughtthis was a date or something. A date? No. The wiring in my unit is shot. You should get an electricianto fix that. I don"t need anyoneto fix anything for me. Okay. Could you excuse me for a moment?I"m gonna go check the fuse box. Hey. Look, I know what you guysare up to. Alvin. -Breath check.-Where"s al--? Dave, are you okay? Everything"s fine. Why did you do that? I was just trying to help, Dave.You have garlic breath. Well, stop helping.You"re ruining everything. I think I got something in my eye. Here. Let me see. Yeah. It looks really irritated.It"s so red. What happened? What was that? Oh, I thought I saw a rat. -A rat?-Probably nothing. Here, let"s finish eating, huh? Tomorrow, I"m gonna callthe exterminator. -What?-Claire. Dave? Dave? -Tell her she completes you.-What are you doing? -You got it, Dave.-Dave. Dave, let go. I"m sorry, Claire. It"s just.... I lost my job, Claire. And I guess I just needed a hug. Well, why didn"t you just say so?Tell me what happened. Well, this is gonna soundreally strange. No games. No fooling around. -The truth?-Please, I"m begging you. My life is being sabotagedby talking chipmunks. -You know what?-I"m not crazy, I swear. You haven"t changed at all. Wait. Claire. Don"t go. I can explain. Chipmunks. You should"ve kissed her, Dave. She wanted you. Alvin, you"re not helping. Don"t give up, Dave. Go away. Leave me alone. Dave, would you like a cookie? I said, leave me alone. Is it me, or was he a little mad? I wonder, is Dave mad? Yes. He really did have garlic breath. Yeah, well-played, guys. Idea. Who has cab fare? Cab fare?We don"t even have pockets. Dear fellas, I"m sorry,but this isn"t really working out. I don"t know what made me thinkI could handle you guys... ...when I can barely managemy own life. You should go back to your real homein the forest. That"s what"s best for all of us. I"m sorry it has to be this way, but.... Guys? Simon, Theodore? Guys? Alvin? Alvin! Simon? Theodore? Alvin? Alvin. Hello? Hello? Kids. Christmas, Christmastime is near Time for toys and time for cheer We can"t hardly stand the wait Please, Christmas, don"t be late Welcome to Jett Records. Okay. New rule.No going out after 9. And not at all unlessI know where you"re going. Were you worried about us, Dave? No. I just need to know, that"s all. Wait. If you"re not worried,then why do you need to know? I need to know, okay? Alvin. Oh, sorry about that. Yeah. -Sorry.-Kids, huh? They keep you on your toes.Do you have any? Three boys. Well, some daysare better than others. And some daysyou just wanna close them in a box... ...leave the box in the parkand run away, you know? Quick, hide. Guys, what"s all this? Toaster waffles. You know, I can"t affordall these toaster waffles. -What?-Well, in case you didn"t notice... ...I don"t have a job anymo-- My song? -All right.-Yeah. -Hello?-Hey, Dave. Hey, how"s my favorite songwriter? -Ian?-Tell me you"ve heard the song. Yeah. I"m listening to it right now. How did you--? When did--? Speed of business, baby.That"s how we do it. That"s how I roll. Got a friend in satellite radio,put it in immediate rotation. And that video of your little guys,10 million hits already on YouTube. It"s crazy. I gotta go. Hey, put some clothes on those guys.It"s kind of embarrassing. We owed you, Dave. So we"re goodwith the toaster waffles, right? Dave? Soup"s on. Alvin. So, what do you think? Cool. All right. Toothbrush, huh? Okay. No. Dave... ...are you awake? I am now. I had a nightmare. Can I sleep with you? You won"t even know I"m here. Okay. Sure.But stay on that side of the bed. Oh, okay. Theodore, that"s not your sideof the bed. -Theodore, wake up. It"s Christmas.-Come on, man. It"s Christmas. Boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. On the first day of ChristmasDave woke up Come on, man, it"s Christmas.Hallelujah. Wake up, lazy bones. Oh, yeah. Christmas. -Up and at them.-You can sleep when you"re dead. -I"m coming-Come on, Dave. Hurry up, Dad. -Dad?-Dave. I said Dave. This is shaping up to bemy favorite Christmas ever. -You want to open mine first.-Open mine first. -No, Dave, mine is better.-You guys got me presents? Of course. All right. Simon? Wow, it"s a-- It"s a paper-clip compass. A paper-clip compass.Now I"ll never get lost. Me next. Alvin. -My wallet.-Do you like it? really? I wanted to get you somethingyou"d use every day. And I have been using thisfor almost 10 years now. Very thoughtful, Alvin. Thank you. Yeah, the look on your facesays it all, Dave. Oh, nicely done, Theodore.""To Dav."" Let"s see, it says, ""Merry Christmas.Love, Theodore."" And it"s got a nice pictureof some pineapples? Those aren"t pineapples.That"s our family. Look, fellas. Let"s make surewe understand each other here. I"m not your.... You know,your dad or anything, right? But you"re like a dad. Well, not really. I mean, we"re friends for sure. And I write your music, you know,manage your career. -Make us sweaters.-Feed us. Let us sleep in your bedwhen we have nightmares. That"s what friends do. So who wants to open their presents? -Is that a trick question? We do.-Yeah. -Presents.-Oh, boy. Presents. Presents. Presents. I can"t wait to open mine first. Envelopes. They"re savings bonds. Cool. You know, in seven years, you"regonna get to buy something really nice. Do you maybe have anythat you bought seven years ago? -Alvin, manners.-Thank you, Dave. Yeah. Thanks, Dave. -Ian?-Who wants presents? -All right.-Cool. Hey, there"s plenty morewhere this came from. Bring them on in, fellas. -Oh, yeah.-Jackpot. What are you doing? -Taking care of my boys.-Yeah, that"s what I"m talking about. Weird. What happenedto your presents? -Which one is mine?-That big one is for me, I think. What did you get them? Savings bonds. Great. Just what every kid dreams of. You"re in luck.Your uncle Ian came through. -Cool.-uncle Ian? Is-- Is this for me? No, it"s for Simon. -Theodore.-Oh, boy. -And Alvin.-Thank you, Santa. This is for you.You like the Oak Ridge Boys, right? Yeah, you"re welcome. And guess what, guys. uncle Ian is gonna havea big launch party for the new CD. That"s right. Press, paparazzi.Hollywood hotshots. The whole nine yards. -Awesome.-Sweet. Yeah. Dave, you"ve got one weekto write me a new hit single. All right? Something funky and fresh. -Peace. We out.-Bye, uncle Ian. -Merry Christmas.-Now it really is Christmas. Mayday, mayday. This way, this way, this way. All right. All right. Settle in, settle in.Thank you for coming. It is a very special night tonight. Here at Jett Records, we pride ourselveson bringing you tomorrow"s music today. Oh, and guess what. I did it again. Ladies and gentlemen,here to sing their new hit single... ...give it upfor Alvin, Simon and Theodore. Yeah, in the place to be Chipmunks on the M-I-C"Witch Doctor" Everybody, can they do it? Can they do it? Come on, people, let"s get to it Let"s get to it Come on, shake, come on, rollEverybody hit the floor Come on, shake, come on, rollWith the Chipmunks, here we go I told the witch doctorI was in love with you I told the witch doctorYou didn"t love me too And then the witch doctorHe told me what to do He said:Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah To the ting to the tangThe wallawalla bingbang Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ahTing tang wallawalla bingbang Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah To the ting to the tangThe wallawalla bingbang Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ahTing tang wallawalla bingbang Yo, DJ, pump this party! Everybody, can they do it? -Can they do it?-Go! Go! Go! Come on, people, let"s get to it Go! Go! Go! Come on, shake, come on, rollEverybody hit the floor Come on, shake, come on, rollWith the Chipmunks, here we go Alvin! Simon! Theodore! I told the witch doctorYou didn"t love me true I told the witch doctorYou didn"t love me nice And then the witch doctorHe gave me this advice He said to me: To the ting to the tangThe wallawalla bingbang Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ahTing tang wallawalla bingbang You"ve been keeping love from me -And that"s not very smart-Not very smart I went out and found myself someoneWho"d tell me how to win your heart My friend the witch doctorHe told me what to say My friend the witch doctorHe told me what to do I know that you"ll be mineWhen I say this to you -Oh, baby, baby!-Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah To the ting to the tangThe wallawalla bingbang Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ahTing tang wallawalla bingbang Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah To the ting to the tangThe wallawalla bingbang Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ahTing tang wallawalla bingbang Yeah. All right, party people.You know how we do it. Get on that dance floor,let me see what you got. -Thank you.-Thank you. -You mind if I grab a few pics?-Claire. -Not at all. Fire away.-Great. I"ve got a new assignment.I"m covering your rise to fame. -Oh, this is Alvin, Simon and Theodore.-Hi. -Hello.-Hi, Claire. You"re hot. Forgot you guys haven"t officially met. So, Dave... ...I"m sorry about that night.I really thought that you-- That I was insane? I totally understand it. Talking chipmunks.It"s a lot to take in over dinner. But look at you now. You"ve gotthe career, promising future, kids. You"re like a family. Don"t say ""family"" in front of Dave.It gives him gas. -Like, clear-the-room gas.-Does not. He doesn"t want a family. Why don"t you guys go and playor raid the dessert table? Don"t take it personally, you guys. Some people don"t know a good thingwhen they"ve got it. Right, Dave? Claire. No offense, big guy,but you are not good at this. Hey, what do you think of this? -What is it?-It"s Alvin. That looks nothing like Alvin. Well, yeah. It"s a prototype.We"ll sell a million of these things. It"s voice-activated.Here, say something to it. Hello, ugly little Alvin dollthat looks nothing like Alvin. -See? You love it. It"s Spanish.-You know what? That"s just weird. Come on, Dave, Dave, Dave. We"ve got to expandthe Munks" fan base. I mean, forget about the music. The music is but a meansto the big money, okay? I"m talking about our ownfur clothing line, cologne. -I mean---They"re just kids. No, they"re rats. And they could make us bothso much money... -...if you just let me work with them.-I can"t hear you, the music"s too loud. Don"t go against me on this, Dave.I never lose. Has anyone triedthe chocolate meatballs? I"ll probably go into insulin shock.But it"s worth it. Oh, a sweet, sweet,sweet molasses meat. Hey, alvster. Love the song, bro. -Up top.-What"s up, player? So I see you"re enjoying my little spreadthat I"ve put out for you guys. What am I talking about?You probably eat like this all the time. Well, Dave sayshe doesn"t wanna spoil us. Dude, you"re a rock star.You"re supposed to be spoiled. I mean, you should be ridingin limousines and private planes. And you should be going to partieslike this every night. really?Because Dave says we need our sleep. Look, Alvin, this is hard to saybut, I mean, I gotta be upfront about it. Dave"s holding you back, you know.I could be making you 20 large a day. -Is that a lot?-Yes. Another thing-- I"m not gonna tell you.I will tell you. Look, behind your back,Dave Calls you... ...""the rats."" -Rats?-Yeah. Whatever, right? I know. Well, don"t let it bother you.I mean, me? I consider you boys family. And if there"s anything you need,anything at all... ...give your uncle Ian a call, all right? -Oh, right.-Ciao. Come on, pal.You drive like my grandmother. Get a wheelchair. Move over! Hey, guys, look at me.Up, up and away. Alvin. Can"t help you, Simon.I"m about to take the lead here. Hey, guys,I have an idea for a new song. Hey, Dave. What"s going on in here?I thought I told you guys to clean up. We are. -Who"s that?-uncle Ian hired us a housekeeper. She"s also a masseuse. Come on, move over, road hog. Drive it or park it, pal.Get in the slow lane. -Where did you get that game?-uncle Ian. Move it or lose it!Get some training wheels, buddy. Okay, you know what? That"s enough. What are you doing?I was about to beat my high score. Too bad. Where"s Theodore? Spit it out. -Spit it out.-No. Jett Records. Okay. That"s it. Meeting. Now.Everyone on the couch. Could you give us a minute? Guys, look, it"s hard, I know. Three months ago, you were hanging outin a tree somewhere and now you"re-- Major rock stars. Okay. Whatever.My point is just because you"re-- Major rock stars. Doesn"t mean you can have or dowhatever you want. Well, uncle Ian sayswe should always be happy. Okay, you know what? He"s not your uncle. He also, David, saidthat we should be making $20 a day. Guess what.You"re making way more than that. And because I care,I"m putting it all away for you. Just like storing nuts for the winter. Oh, winter"s for losers. Yeah. shouldn"t we have a sayin how to build our investment portfolio? Where is all this coming from?You guys are just kids. -Kids, Dave, or rats?-What? Well, uncle Ian sayswe"re like his family. Oh, yeah?Well, if you love uncle Ian so much... ...and don"t think I"m watching outfor you... ...why don"t you go livewith Uncle Ian? Dave? Are you still mad at us? Dave? ""Dear fellas, I"m sorry, but.... You should go backto your real home in the forest."" I guess he really does want us to go. I told you, Dave. I never lose. Boys, welcome to your new home. -Oh, yeah. Daddy"s home.-Yeah. Can we play with all this stuff? Sure, why not? It"s your house. So, what are the rules around here? Oh, I do have one rule... -...that there are no rules!-Cool. Four degrees elevation. Six degrees azimuth. Fire! Prepare to face the furyof my vengeance. Don"t make me laugh. Pray for a quick demise,young chipmunk. Uppercut. Left. Fake-out, fake-out. Your kung fu is no matchfor my rockets. Sneak attack. Okay, Simon. That"s enough. I"m finished now. Simon. -Hey, give me that.-Let go, Alvin. Oh, come on. -You had a turn.-Who says you get a turn? Give me that. Simon! -You got to try.-Get your mangy paws off of it. -Scram.-I want it. Alvin, you don"t decide. -Why didn"t the airbags deploy?-Theodore, don"t go into the light. -Let"s do it again.-Awesome. -playing hard?-Oh, yes. Good. Because tomorrow, you start working hard.Coast to coast in five days. Well, Dave says that touring is no livefor a kid. For a normal kid.You guys are superstars. -Yes.-Which reminds me... ...Simon, let"s get rid of theseboring glasses. And try on these super coolin-the-now glasses. Oh, my God, oh. These would be greatif I could see out of them. Your eyes will adjust.Come on, boys. Let"s hit the road. -Shotgun.-Hit the road. Alvin-- Give me a big fella. Alvin, big, big. No hiding. Come on, come on.Make love to the camera. Sell it. Big smile. Yes.Theodore, chin out. Yeah. That"s it. Good stuff. There you go.Come on, get in there. Strong. Give me some booty. Spank it. There you got it.Now you got it. If the Chipmunks like Crunchy Nibbles,your pet will love them. Cut. Here we are. Okay? All right? Hold it. We"re not done. -You tell me.-Killing me. -What do you want?-You are killing me here. There"s no button I can pushthat wakes them to sing notes. You kidding?There"s 5000 buttons here. -What button do you want me to push?-Fine. I"ve got it. All right, guys. Guess what youruncle Ian brought you. Coffee. I love toffee. No, it"s coffee, Theodore, coffee. It"s a--Like a super cool energy health drink... ...with whipped cream and carameland two pumps of chocolate. Enjoy. That ought to keep them awake. -Get munk"d-Go, go, go Yeah, ChipmunksAlways can get munk"d Hey, hey, hey Come and get munk"dWith the Chipmunk rugrats Come and get munk"d with the MunksGet munk"d with the Chipmunk rugrats Come and get munk"d with the Munks Stop, stop. Come on, guys.We need more energy, okay? We need more dry ice. We need more,you know, wow. All right? We"re the Chipmunks,for crying out loud. This is absurd.I feel like P. Diddy with fur. And to be honest, the new songsdon"t really sound like us. Well, you know what I think? I thinkthe new direction is perfect, you know. It"s all about today"s edge. Dave always saidit was all about the music. ""Dave always said...."" You know what? Dave, Dave, Dave.Dave is not here, okay? It"s me. It"s fun uncle Ian, all right? Okay? What are you--? What are yougonna say? What"s your name? -Taffy.-Taffy? What kind of name is Taffy? What do you do? -Choreography.-I don"t know what ""choreography"" is. -What is that?-It"s dance. Oh, is it dancing? Well, next time say,you know, ""I"m the dance guy--"" Hello? Who? Dave Seville. Name rings a bell. A dead... ...broken bell. -Just let me talk to the guys.-I don"t think that"s such a good idea. The boys are still stinging a little bitfrom you kicking them out. -That"s not what happened.-Denial. So, what"s this I hearabout a European tour? You"re taking them awayfor six months? No, 12 actually.If we can get China to go chipmunk. Twelve? Look, I just wanted to say hi.See how they"re doing. They"re doing great.They"re loving life. Living large. Face it, Dave. They"ve moved on. -They"re happy now.-Look, Ian, I wanna talk to them. Put them on the phone. Yeah, I don"t thinkthat"s gonna happen, Dave. Got a world tour,gonna start tomorrow. And these guys don"t needthe extra pressure. -We"ll send you a postcard.-Ian, you can"t do this. They"re not ready for somethinglike that. They"re just kids. -I"m gonna see them.-Look, Dave, I"m-- Wait. -Ian?-Yeah? What? -Ian.-I can"t-- Ian... ...was that Dave? Yes. Yes, it was. He wanted me to let you knowhe"s great and he"s happy. He"s really, really happy. So.... All right. And is he coming to the show? You know what? I sent him tickets.And here"s the thing, he sent them back. Yeah, I know. I guess he"s busy,you know. Got better things to do. Hey, come on.What"s with the long furry faces? We"re gonna have fun.We"re gonna have a big show. I"ll tell you what, you guys likedeep-tissue massage? All right? I know a guy. Let me Call my guy.I"ll get on that. Hey, captain, come here. Listen. Dave Seville.Learn the name, look for the face. If he shows up tomorrow night,he doesn"t get near my chipmunks. -Got it? Okay.-Got it. uncle Ian? -What are you doing here?-Can I sleep with you? I had a nightmare. Oh, you had a nightmare? I had a nightmare too.In my nightmare... ...I had to put together 37 datesin 42 days, in 16 different countries. And I had to coordinate different radio and print interviews... ...in five different languages. But you know what, Theo?The only difference is... ...in my nightmare, when I openmy eyes, it doesn"t end. So is that a no? Guys... ...I wanna go home. What do you mean? You are home. No, I mean, ""home"" home. You know, with Dave. But, Theodore, come on.Wake up and smell the toffee. Dave doesn"t even want us. He doesn"tcare enough to even come to our show. Here"s Julianne Reynoldswith today"s entertainment news. Too tired to rock?The Chipmunks might be. Rumor of exhaustion and voice strain areswirling around the singing sensation. Is it because of toaster waffle overload?Or a rigorous tour schedule? It"s hard to say. But manager-producerIan Hawke has assured Fox... ...the trio will maketheir first stop tonight... ...on their highly anticipated world tourat the Orpheum Theatre in Los Angeles. That"s it. Okay. You three sound likeyou"ve been gargling nails. -I"ll cover for you.-Thank you. Can we get wardrobedown here, please? Well? I could give you a lot of fancy terms,but, bottom line, they"re exhausted. Okay, well, give them a shotor a cream or a pill or something. I"ve invested every dime I havein these guys. They need a long rest. A long rest. Are you--? Okay.Yeah, a long rest, right. Right, yeah. I"m not a doctor, so.... I"ll get them that rest. Thank you.I"ll take care of it. Thank you so much. I will--I appreciate it. Hey, hey, doc. Chipmunk fever, catch it. Knock, knock. So listen, guys,I just talked to the doctor. And I don"t feel right aboutsending you guys out like this. So you"re gonna cancel the show? No. No,then I"d have to give out refunds. No. What I"m talking aboutis having you guys lip-synch. Yeah. Isn"t that like cheating? No, it"s not like cheating. It"s--Cheating is wrong. This is more like helping.Yeah, all the superstars do it. Just make sure that you mouth thewords exactly like we recorded them. -Otherwise, people will know.-That we"re cheating. -No.-Guys, what other choice do we have? Yeah. See?That"s why he"s the one with the letter. All right, guys, tighten up. And remember, mouth the wordsand no one will know. Love you. You know you got it made When you drop your EscaladeFor the drop top Iced out, rocks hotDroppin" dollars, ladies holler Hey, gotta get that cream You know you got it madeWhen they send in a parade When you drop downWrite a check in town All just for one day Gotta get that cream -Don"t you know that"s how they roll?-Roll, roll, roll Can you get down with theFunk, funk, funk of the Chipmunks? Baby, you know Funk, funk, funk of the Chipmunks Oh, come on,you gotta have one more ticket. Sorry. Come on, here"s Theodore You"re here to stayWhen you"re always getting paid And it don"t stop, never, noIt won"t stop no matter what they say -Gotta live the dream-Take it, Simon You"re here to stayWhen your honeys think you hit "Cause we gots itEverybody watch it I love it. You love it? Chipmunk fever.Catch it, baby. Dave Seville. No, there"s no Dave Sevilleon this list. You know what? That"s fine.I"m the editor of the L.A. Music Journal. -No, I don"t think so.-He"s with me. He"s my assistant. Okay. Thanks, Claire. What"s going on, Dave?What are you--? I gotta get my boys backbut Ian"s trying to keep me out. Your boys. I know that probably sounds weirdcoming from me. It"s a good weird, though. Because after all I did to mess upeverything, including you-- -Dave, your boys. We should go.-Right. Okay. How we roll Come on, can you feel it? -How we roll-Yeah, yeah, come on If you"re gonna do something,do it fast. Here. -You"re press, remember?-Thanks. Roll -Let"s go, pal.-I"m a photographer. -I have a press pass.-You"re out of here. Alvin! Alvin! Alvin! -Dave! He"s here.-It"s Dave. What"s going on? Alvin, what are you doing? I"m sending a messageto our dear old uncle Ian. -Sounds like a plan to me.-Me too. Come on, guys. Hey, Ian... ...kiss my furry cheeks. Here, hold on to that. Top of the morning to you. Get off my set. Are you ready to rock? Turn it up, girl. How we roll How we roll I feel fine. Alvin, Simon, Theodore!Come on, guys, we"re going home. Move, move. Let"s go. -Get them.-Look out. Run. Hi. Bye. Eenie, meenie, minie, mo Miss a chipmunk because you"re slow Watch your knees. -Sorry.-Come on, big fella. Come on. Come on. A little bit closer. Come on, right there. Perfect. He"ll feel that in the morning. -Guys.-Dave! You"re not going anywhere. What are you doing? -Put us down.-Let me go. -Hey.-You better study your French. -You"re going to Paris tonight. Okay?-Let go. Just had my tail redone. -No, wait.-Put it with my stuff. -Let us out of here. Let us out of here.-No. What? Ian, they don"t want this anymore.Just let them go. But the guy just left. You should havesaid something about five seconds ago. Come back. Ian, they need a real life.Not all of this. Besides, they just ruined the concert. Word will get out,no one will come to see them. Dave, they"re chipmunks who talk.people will come. Guys, with me. Roll, that"s how we roll You"ll never take us alive. They just did take us alive, Alvin. It"s a figure of speech, Simon. Instead of criticizing me, why not useyour big brain to think of a way out? Go, go, go. Go. Come on. Step on it, Dave. You"re losing him. How did you guys...? We are talking chipmunks, Dave. We can get out of a cat carrier.Not even hard to do. You came back for us. Well, of course I came back.We"re a family. Holy nuts. -What?-Am I going crazy? Or did he just say ""family""? I know... ...but I really missed you guys. I missed you too, Dave. Me too. -So did Alvin. He"s too Cool to admit it.-Yeah, too macho. Missed you too. Sorry, I had some sentimentalitystuck in my throat. I just said, I missed you too. Whatever.Who are you guys to judge me? Okay, you know what?I miss my friend Dave, okay? I"ll scream it from the rooftops.And I"m not afraid. I"m not ashamed. That"s right. I love you, Dave. Come here. -Dave?-Yes, Alvin? Now can I steer?Oh, please, please, please. -I want to work the windshield wipers.-Oh, and I"d like to beep the horn. Have at it, fellas. -I"m a good beeper.-Save some horn for the rest of us. -Come on, Dave, drive faster.-Not with you steering. Dave, you drive like a sleepy old bear. -Okay, Alvin, that"s enough.-Enough of what? Of being awesome? Alvin, I said that"s enough. Hey, look, Dave, no paws. Hey, if you guys behave, maybeI"ll let you call me ""uncle Ian"" again. Deal? No! Claire. -Hey.-Come on in. -Hi, Claire.-Well, hello, Clarina. -Hi, guys.-Hope you like toaster waffies. And, for us classy chipmunks,a bit of the bubbly. Stupid cork. Doesn"t-- I"m not gonna say it. Good grief. Are you still not gonna say it? Nope. I"m gonna say it. Alvin! Okay! Okay, guys, come on,let"s try it again. Here we go, and sing. Come on, sing for your uncle Ian.Come on, sing. Why--? Why won"t you sing? You know, I said, sing.

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